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Keeping it 100

 
 
 
 
 

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The drifting jouney  

2016-04-18 10:53:38|  分类: u.s.a |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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I wish I didn't have to start off my posts with "It's been a while..." every time. But I start to think that I am keeping it at a healthy pace. I no longer feel guilty about not writing enough. I'd want to use the time to read first - I can't write anything out, if I don't have anything coming in. 
That being said though, I just want to whip something together real quick before going to bed. Writing is like a meditation for me, it helps me think and reflect on my life. It does me more good than anyone else. 
Life has been going well. I started to build a routine around work. I started to get off work at more normal hours, I started to put on some weight. I stressed less and had gone a little lazier. So far, it's been okay. In fact, I am loving my job. It's overworked me a little but I still love it. I did not know that I would end up working at some projects that are so front-end heavy but I truly love it. Looking back, I never learn anything front-end related back in college, my first js projects were in high school and I had a web-development job in college and was introduced to some awesome fron-end languages in some hackathons. But it felt natural and it fit me well. 
I'm not sure what life will take me 10 years from now, but at this moment of my life, I officially love my job and since it takes up majority of my time, I think I am a happy bird. 
However, it is hard to ignore the elephant in the room - my work visa. I have tried to explain the long complicated process to some of my friends that really wanted to understand my situation. But it was a mess, and my explanation doesn't make things sound any clearer. The H1b visa process is happening as we speak and I will know the lottery results in a few weeks - if I don't win the lottery, I will really have to think about my life in the next few years. America has definitely grown onto me in the past 6 year or so. I know that I have complained a lot about it, in this blog especially, but deep down, I know that I like living here. I just can't get myself too attached - it will make parting more difficult. 
I try not to narrow my path down to two choices, or even one. I want to think that life is full of possibilities. but why do I feel that although I am here, present, but I am afraid to stay. I am afraid to invest too much until this American dream hurt me in heart. I don't even want to admit that I have an American dream. Do I, though? 
Maybe once I think I'm committed to this path, I feel like I might be closing up on other possibilities out there. Like, what would life be if I moved back to China? Or can I migrate to Europe? 

...

Sorry that my thoughts wandered off a little too far. My friends think that I put too much "unnecessary" thoughts in this because I'm single and therefore I'm a drifter. 
You know what I think? I think I have too many American friends and they all don't understand the world in my eyes. But really though, why would they? 
Have you thought about the reverse logic honey? Maybe I am single because I'm a drifter. 

And I've been drifting since 2010. 
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